forever

This is the Stubben family. Steve is from my mission, so he is roughly 2 years younger than me. He was a hardcore missionary, he'd have like 20 investigators at church each week and saw MANY, MANY people and families join the Church in the Philippines. I went to his wedding reception in Provo years ago. Today his precious bride, Catie, lost her fight with cancer. I hate cancer. I do. I know hard things will happen in life, I know that it is part of the plan but I hate that part.

Now that I have the husband I have always wanted I am fearful about losing him, or being taken from him. I have turned into a worrier. And 3 babies...don't even get me started on those babies missing their mommy (not to mention her heart aching for her family). I can't stand it. I hurts my heart too much and I hardly know them.

Sometimes I feel like maybe my faith isn't strong enough, or my testimony in the plan isn't. I feel like I believe. I know I do, but can one hate something that they also believe in? Maybe I'm just so tender hearted and in the face of the trial I could handle things better than I am now (as a voyeur, what the heck is wrong with me? Pull yourself together Alicia! )?

I guess the moral of this story is to live life to the fullest. No regrets. Tell those you love that you love them everyday. Be patient and loving to all around you especially your family, there is no time for yelling or not forgiving. Make memories and take pictures, millions of them.

I know that our Heavenly Father loves us, that he provided a plan for us and he wants us to be happy. He wants us to return back to him, he showed us the way and he provided a Savior, Jesus Christ. Families can be forever, that brings such joy.